Live Your Best Life Today!

I Almost Let Go…

September 20th, 2017

“Oh, that I might have my request, that God would grant my desire.  I wish he would crush me.  I wish he would reach out his hand and kill me (Job 6:8-9).

One of my girlfriends reminded our circle of friends that September is National Suicide Prevention Awareness Month.  As she shared the stories of women who had overcome suicide attempts, the lyrics to Kurt Carr’s song “I Almost Let Go” began playing in my head.  They are “I almost let go.  I felt like I just couldn’t take life anymore.  My problems had me down…depression weighed me down.  But God held me close…so I wouldn’t let go.  God’s mercy kept me…so I wouldn’t let go.”  Have you ever been in a place where you felt like you just couldn’t take life anymore?  Have you ever lived in the grip of depression and felt like death was the only way out?  I have and I almost let go.

It is only by the grace of God that I am here today.  If He hadn’t kept me in the midst of the lonely, dark pit of depression…I would have let go and tried to end my life.  I was 19 years old and was a single mother of two babies (7 and 21 months old).  Life wasn’t going as planned and I felt like a failure.  I had become convinced that my situation wouldn’t change…that the girls would have a better life without me.  To spare my Mother the pain of having to clean up after me, I decided that swallowing a bunch of pills was the best option.  I was standing on the verge of taking the pen out of God’s hand and writing the end of my own story.

Yes, I knew God.  Yes, I went to church every Sunday and bible teaching on Tuesday.  I was a church girl with saved parents and a praying Grandmother; but life had dished so many blows in the preceding year that I felt like giving up.  I was living in the grip of depression and no one knew.  They sensed I was sad but no one really knew the depth of my pain.  I was told to pray more.  Read the Bible more.  Stop being so negative.  Or my favorite…don’t you know how blessed you are??  Let me tell you something.  DEPRESSION IS REAL…even for people who know the Lord.  As you can see from today’s scripture, even people in the Bible dealt with depression.  Job wanted to die (Job 6:8-9).  He had endured so much pain that he was begging that the Lord would kill him.

The church sometimes makes it taboo for people living in the grip of depression to get help.  Depression is not always a condition that can just be prayed away.  I needed help!  I needed someone to talk to.  Can you imagine feeling like your life doesn’t matter?  That you, your family and the world would be better off if you no longer existed??  Depression is a condition (just like any other illness) that must be treated properly.  I have shared this story this morning to let you know that you are not alone.  If you are living in the grip of depression and feel like you are on the verge of letting go…I encourage you to reach out to someone for help.  If you or someone that you know is in crisis or is experiencing difficult or suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).  If you’re uncomfortable talking on the phone, you can also text NAMI to 741-741 to be connected to a free, trained crisis counselor on the Crisis Text Line.  Don’t be afraid.  It’s okay to seek help.  I pray that you are encouraged by this message and truly realize that you are not alone.  Hold on and refuse to let go.  ~ NNM

Let’s pray:  Lord, I pray for anyone that is dealing with depression and thoughts of suicide.  Let them know that you see them.  Let them know that they are not alone.  Lord, give them the strength and courage to reach out to someone for help.  Give them the strength to hold on and not let go.  In the name of Jesus, Amen.